| It's been a long time since i felt like I was being pushed by someone to give me 101% in training. Since Tian Dee Sensei's classes, I've not been trained in a manner where i was outrightly criticised for my techniques and have myself placed in a position where I felt so ashamed of myself and how I'd really need to work on my techniques and ukemi through harder and more intensive training. Being told off till you were close to tears but each time you feel like throwing in the towel, you know there's something special about aikido that was worth my time and effort to just hold onto it and see where it takes me. It was through this spirit of perfection that drove me to where I am today, faithfully remembering every single technique and teaching that was instructed on friday classes when i left class with blistered toes that usually ends up bloody from all the suwari waza practices. Or taking ukemi till u feel that you are close to blacking out from the intensive "up down", "up down" intensity of training where there's hardly any time to break for air.
I've never quite gotten such practice since Tian Dee Sensei left until i attended Minegeishi Sensei's first class on the 20th November. It was quite an experience, a humbling experience indeed to be told off and criticised about the many flaws of my ukemi. To be slapped and hit to show my many openings primarily to prove a point-an uke is not merely a puppet to be flung. During the 2nd day of the most recent seminar, I was brough close to tears when i was called up after two others and ask to offer her an ushiro attack which wasnt anything close to what she wanted. After taking me several times with sighs and grunts of displeasure, she stopped me and said something that made me feel so guilty and ashamed of myself:
"I'm sorry but this young man obviously doesnt know what i want. I ask for an ushiro attack with the intention of doing sihonage. But his manner of attack just made it possible for me to apply kotegaeshi, kaiten-nage, kokyu nage. Anything but sihonage. There's really so much more i want to teach all of you. But time and opportunity just doesnt permit."
Imagine ending class just like that with the criticisms last pointing at me. Imagine if i had done it right, would probably have learnt alittle more from her infinite treasure trove of experience. But i was just unable to attack in the manner that she wanted to. It was then that i realise... my ukemi is really terrible. Time to work on it and hopefully make some visible improvements before she returns to singapore next year. Otherwise watever time i've spent during her seminar after taking all that slaps and throws would be all to waste.
To her, she believes strongly that uke is alive, active all ready to find an opportunity to turn the situation over to his or her advantage. But in order to be able to take charge of the situation when the opportunity arises, proper ukemi from postural aliggment and awareness of one's balance is of utmost importance.
While some may not take Minegeishi Sensei's strict instructions well especially from all her "physical assaults", I believe if one can overlook the harsh and blunt nature of her criticism as but just her kind intent to show us our flaws so that we can work upon them and improve, we can certainly go far in training. Furthermore beyond techniques, she gave us all an overview of aikido in a very holistic approach with a saying that touched the very depth of my heart:
"Aikido is not about technqiues. If you put aikido in the context of a language; words like techniques are but just a form of expression within that language. Knowing a few words does not mean one has understand a language. Rather it is to be able to use these words in its various context and how it can be applied that makes one understand a language. Likewise techniques are not the ends but merely a means. It is just aids to help you to understand aikido. If you practice sihonage, you must think it not as a technique but rather how exercise can be used to help both you and your partner gain something in that manner of practice."
I can never forget another saying she left us during the first day of the seminar:
"Many aikido instructors as they get on with age end up living with ailments. Knee problems, elbow or feet problems all caused by bad ukemi during their younger days. Ukemi is supposed to protect you and if you understand and can do it well, one can practice aikido safely free from injury. Aikido technqiues are like ways to give each other a good massage, stretching each other so that we can practice so become more supple and flexible. Aikido doesnt train strength but flexibility so if someone comes to me and say you are a very strong lady because of aikido, I'd feel very insulted."
Hahahahz.... this lady packs quite a fiery spunk doesnt she... Can't help but enjoy that sharp tongue of hers that lashes out at people regardless of the ranks, gender and background. She simply doesnt give a damn who you are. If a mistake is there when she takes you, she'd have no qualms in telling you off.
Minegeishi Sensei has ignited an interest in me to pursue what proper ukemi really is. How to maintain my balance and protect my openings during ukemi. How to "pull and stretch myself like noodles made from a handful of dough" and falling safely to keep myself from hurt. This fear of injury crossed my mind since the standard chartered marathon, concerned if my long runs might actually have an adverse effect on my knees. That's perhaps why I've decided upon stopping at no more than a half marathon which i'm comfortable with. I love my body too much then to have it plaugued with an onset of ailments. Aikido means the world to me and if i can spend my golden years in the art doing suwari waza and taking ukemi even at the age of 67 or 76... I really would be happy indeed.
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| Murphy's Law never fails to act up on you when u're all prepped up for something. My newly replaced Ipod all uploaded with gazillion songs from a certain someone's playlist was supposed to be my companion during this running event. And what's more I compiled a "Fabulous" List of Hot Clubbing Remixes that'd I have listened to since my clubbing days in tanjong pagar and now my recent moveover to St. James. Yea... the music at St. James on Fabulous Sunday rocks and comes tops if you're compare with the old boys like Taboo or Play. And realli.. i sorta miss Why Not when it was still around. Oh well... Looking foward to the 1st Aniversary Celebration @St.James next sunday where i'd be on leave the day after. It's my time to party since my last visit in September and I'm sure it's going to be a hell of a blast according to Aviel, much as plans for the events have been kept tight lipped so as to generate hype. Bet it's going to be quite a crowd!!!
So anyway back to this morning's run, I sure felt grumpy as hell going down to the race site without any music to keep me going. No Britney or Beyonce Remixes, No Jimmy James or Madonna.... there goes running in style and looking like a queen running after her prized Tiara. But surprisingly i found myself keeping my head occupied with other thoughts instead. Many things crossed my mind actually and the whole run became a reflection of my life and the many things I wanted to do with it. It became a meditation that lead to self realization. What I've gained was a map towards my goals and dreams, but how do i go about attaining the keys to unlock the doors to unopened doors or a torch of fire to aid my in my venture into roads yet to be explored?
What kept someone who is usually relaxed and slow in his runs pushing for a good timing? For starters a good load of cuties who were running before me as I was pushing my lungs to breathe and heart to pump harder to pick their pace, particularly the tallest stud from the ACS track and field team which was well smokin smokin HOT! And a good load of others who passed me by. But at a certain point of time in the middle of the race where i was alittle tired i slowed to a pace of comfort and just went on with my eyes feasting on any visual treasures that were at the opposite side of the road.
It was a good run, and with the Ipod down it sorta made me push beyond my level of comfort that got me cramps on my calf muscles for the first time. Fortunately like stubborn Ai Sim would, simply beared with teh discomfort and sprinted through the finish leg shocked by my return to the finishing point at a timing that was well 10min faster than my AHM results in August. And really, its not as if I pushed myself any harder over my weekend runs. Perhaps it's time to start pushing myself hard and see what i'm really capable of.
To be honest I'm really quite tempted to run the full marathon the next year but I'm not sure if i'd like to subject my body to that kind of torture. While the most logical challenge is to move onto a full now that I've reach some kinda level of comfort with half marathon distances being a weekly regime over the weekends, I'm really not sure if such heavy running would result in detrimental impact to my precious knees. I'm an aikido practitioner and between running the distance for a adrenalin high to throwing and getting thrown on the mats, i'd really rather be training in the dojo. Running and swimming was the result of my inspiration from the muay thai fitness regime of conditioning and how i felt that it'd do good for an aikido practitioner like me simply because i'd need the stamina when taking ukemi especially during randori or jiyu waza.
It's bad enough that in aikido there's alot of kneework in suwari waza, hanmi handachi techniques or in my favourite sumi otoshi that requires my whole body to drop on both my knees to lead my opponent into a sharp plunge onto the mat. With a marathon, how long can i last practicing aikido without my knees acting up on me? Seeing my seniors and seeing them one by one plagued with the onset of some knee ailments or another can't help but have me worried. If you'd pay attention, a good deal of runners or triathletes are usually forced to retire from their career in sports due to injuries that more often than not are attributed to knee problems or that of the achilles tendons.
I still have big dreams waiting to be realised in aikido. I'd like to visit Fukakusa Sensei's Dojo and train as much as I can afford before I'm out in the workforce slogging to bring home the bacon. And even then I have lofty dreams to visit Japan and study aikido in Iwama and attend seminars from notable legends from the aikido community to broaden my spectrum of understanding. I'm not willing to just stop at what my Sensei has to offer because really when you compare it to the Shihans, u realised there's just so much more to it and what I'm taught in my dojo is merely the fundamentals. That is why it's amazing how so many can rest on their laurels thinking that they're so damn good when they've really seen nothing yet.
I want a successful career that'd have me bringing in lots and lots of money... I'd one to try my hands at the marketing and advertising industry. I want to have opportunities to travel and pay my bills to occasionally indulge as a label whore and look like some smashin fashionista. I want a designer's wardrobe!!! How am i going to go about doing so? Well... I need guidiance, alittle luck and opportunities. On my part i'm not just going to sit around and let the big unknown forces work their magic... it's up to me to work hard to open the doors for the good things in life to come their way.
I seriously can't wait to hit the books when I've served my liability in national service. In about 9 months time... this time wasting stint of involuntary service to the nation would be coming to an end. I'd try again at the local universities. And if all else fails... I'd be sticking to my plans to study in SIM to pursue a marketing degree whilst working on an ACCA. | | comments: Leave a comment |
| Not long after i joined in the small unofficial class with Minegeishi Sensei after a quick warm up, she gestured for me to be her uke during the start of the first technique. She asked for a kosadori attack which i offered sincerely with a firm grip. But before i realised it, she flicked my hand away effortlessly and asked that i attack her again. I repeated my kosadori attack but it was responded with a chuckle from Minegeishi Sensei who shook her head and spoke with really fluent english. I could distinctively remember her words as i was face to face with this infamaous female legend:
"At the first moment of contact the aikido practitoner controls the opponent even when taking the role of uke in training. Though you are giving your partner a chance to mould the technique, it must be within ur power to control him/her at anytime. Even a grab like kosadori or katatedori, u must be able to take down the opponent and destroy the balance upon contact."
With that i held her harder than before and she just responded with the following reply:
"You are using your arms to control me... not with your body or center."
In a flash she slided right through my arms into a sihonage and flipped me... a crisp sharp throw that left me in much shock and awe. And it was then i knew she really lived up to her reputation indeed. After numerous sihonage throws interchanging between soft and hard throws, it was certain that she was testing if i was responding according to her throws and not out of my own desire to flip myself for the thrill of it. Without any scoldings from her through my experience as her uke, I guess my ukemi wasnt that bad after all.
But how exactly can i "control my opponent" at the first point of contact at will even when taking the role as uke. After much reflections, I'm certain that this has something to do with the Fukakusa Sensei's explaination of how a certain level of practice in aikido results in free and spontaneous practice where the role of uke and nage blurs and interchanges at the subtlest shift of movement and opening so long as both partners are sharp enough to capitalise on it. This makes training very interesting but then again how many dojos actually practice in this manner in Singapore. Or rather would i rephrase it to question how many practitoners in Singapore have the skill and knowledge to practice in such a manner? Sadly its a rare few who are able to practice in such manner. But with hardly any guidiance from experienced instructors like Fukakusa or Minegeishi Sensei, there's really so much we can learn don't you think?
But one thing i have learnt during the course of my first ever training with Minegeishi Sensei is the importance of ukemi that she reiterated time and time again through the entire session. She maintained the same statement on and on again through classes saying "all techniques in aikido can be received by three steps of ukemi". There's no need to skip or limp, run or jump through the motion in a clutsy manner. Just breakdown the steps for ukemi regardless of every technique and you'd realise there's just three steps that'd help you not only help you fall to safety but with time develop the good habits that'd save you potential injuries through your practice in aikido.
There's just so much I've learnt from just one class from this female legend. Looking foward to her return to Singapore this coming week between Wednesday to Friday. Awaiting to see her powerful movements in actions and perhaps learn more through personally experiencing her techniques. Might not exactly be the most fabulous uke in town but I'd really like to take the opportunity to feel her teachniques even if I might be scolded, kicked, punched or even slapped for my mistakes. But I really don't give a damn... coz it's really a rare occasion to find yourself thrown or taught by a living testament of power that transcends beyond stature and gender.
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| What's the use of putting in 4 years of blood, sweat and effort into something when you are still unable to bring out the best in it. That's a lingering thought that has been swirling in my head lately. I've been feeling disillusioned lately. What's the use of developing ukemi that builds up my sensitivity and reaction when i fundamentally lack the basic core of balance? There's a level of training i which to be exposed to, something which I don't seem to be getting much of. I remember of the times when Tian Dee Sensei took class and how the basics were grounded solid throughout training while at the same time pushing us through a myriad of variations that pushes us to the very boundaries of our limits. Or during Fukakusa or Hattori Sensei's visits down where we get to experiment with varied interpretation of aikido techniques that broadens our exposure and understanding.
We don't seem to be getting that push during regular training. While tuesday and thursday are alittle more open to experimentation, there's a limit to all our understanding and how much we could really push ourselves through self exploration of trial and error. Ever found urself tired and drained but knowing well u have to go on and push urself to move on despite the sores and bleeding in ur toes and it seems like u cannot walk any further... that's how it felt during my early days of training during Tian Dee Sensei... when u become so tired u just feel like giving up. But gradually as your stamina improves u begin to find urself going back and fourth without any stopping in the rhythm of your movement, moving in the continuous spirals of interchanging roles of uke and nage.
With Ai Sim I may get a good level of workout and feel techniques of sharp precision, my control over not wanting to hurt a lady results in me playing down my projections. I just can't bring myself to throw or pin her with full extensions. Sometimes I long for someone, someone whom can train comfortably with me and where both of us can really have both a good workout and training all at the same time. But it's hard, really hard to find someone who works on the same level as you are. And for me, my desire to learn and push myself beyond the comfort zone just seems to frustrate me even more when it seems like i'm trying to jump over an inpenetrable wall.
Sensei said that with understanding of philosophy, techniques are secondary as one who cultivates mind and spirit will eventually win over the battles of the physical. While i do agree in the importance of discipline, its a whole lot of crap to think that a disciplined individual could win a fight simply through the overwhelming peace and goodness of his spirit. If that is so, i don't think so many monks in myanmar would have lost their lives when in the face of the tyrannical junta during the recent crisis in their country.
I don't want to continue in something that does not serve its fundamental purpose. I need to know that my training is not a futile attempt at looking cool with some traditional japanese costume learning moves that'd do nothing to help you in the face of a real confrontation. I'd like to know that i'm having quality training for the real thing- that if i'm ever placed in a confrontation I'd be able to walk out of one unscathed. Or rather in the more accurate philosophy of O Sensei's believe in the spirit of love, control the opponent with compassion and allow him to stare death in the eye so that he'd emerge enlightened and humbled.
Can we really strive for such skills and proficiency? It's but just ideals now... waiting to be realised through hard and tireless attempts for perfection. | | comments: Leave a comment |
| It's been almost four years and counting since I got myself involved in aikido. I have not regretted one bit in my involvement in the art. The time spent during the first three years of my study committed to daily training which got me a fast promotion of the ranks, training closely with seniors whom have been in the art for decades or more and being able to accelerate my learning through partaking from their pearls of experience coupled with supplementary exposure through countless videos that I've sourced through the internet and costly online orders. Much of my life during poly circled around researching and tireless training in aikido. It was to a large extent a huge part of my life.
But things are really quite different now. Being in a relationship and fast approaching a phase of my life when it's time to decide for my future where getting a degree is concerned and finding a job to pave through a successful career, gone are the days when i am able to put my heart and soul without other worries in mind. I need to work towards a future that'd be able to earn me the moolahs for the comforts in life. I need to work towards success that can truly be considered my acheivement in this lifetime and make the best of it before the flame of my existence burns off from the candle of life.
Many seniors at same point of time complained of reaching a point of stagnancy, a phase when training just doesnt seem to quite make any progress. I thought i might never come to that knowing well there's so much in my techniques, form and movements that require working on. But somehow I'm feeling this restlessness and frustration that I just seem to be going around in circles. Have been trying to figure the cause for this problem...
Has it been the lack of good partners whom i can improve upon my movements? I may not be the most fantastic uke but i feel that i can fall pretty decently to follow in my partner's movements when taking ukemi. While I love taking ukemi, sometimes u long so much for someone who can likewise receive your movements, someone whom u do not have to hold back so much when taking him simply because he's comfortable enough to follow in your techniques. And his skills for receiving are at a level of comfort and sensitivity that he's able to react accordlingly even if you flash some sudden surprise without running the risk of killing him in the process.
But having said that, ukemi for others have allowed me to acquire such a level of sensitivity especially when partnered up with Sensei, David Sensei and Ai Sim; I'm able to sensitively feel openings at will so that I'm able reverse the technique at any point of time. This has in turn greatly improved my jiyu waza or free form whereby I'm able to also react accordingly when someone tries to react when i apply a technique.
Partnered up with a french vietnamese guy over at tanglin on wednesday and I must say it's a good experience to partner up with the guys occasianally when I'm not with Ai Sim or Dawn. Trained in Iwama Ryu for some time and naturally having more experience in the art, I found it most difficult to unabalance him during techniques and most of the time, i think he was just being courteous to "go down" for me when i obviously felt that my balance in turn was upset. While i do admit there are people who are far by much better than I am, I'd like to find ways and means to try to improve myself and work on those flaws.
How am i able to improve upon my balance and make myself unmovable? There are stories of many aikido or nei jia quan masters whom are unmovable regardless of how they are pushed in all directions. And regardless of whatever attempts of reversals, they are just an unperturbed force like a whirlwind that moves through its course in unstoppable power.
I long to be able to do that, or at least try as best to emulate that. It's a shame to be holding a dan grade and still having problems with my balance and basic techniques. It feels like after so long, I'm still only at the start of my journey. I've yet to descend into the darkest stairways unravelling the mysteries of the art that awaits me in the veils of the unseen... open only to the ready and initiated...
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| It's been a long time since i blogged not because I've lost the interest in penning my thoughts but rather it seems like I hardly have the time at hand to sit down and organise my thoughts. Weekends just seem to past me by before I know it while the long weekdays just seem to drag on with what seems to be forever. I know I'm luckier than most being posted into a vocation that's "fairly slack". But the people that we are forced to work with whether it be the specs and officers, most of which arent exactly the nicest people around. The work enviroment of working on dusty roads just seem extremely depressing and with each morning when one arrives in flight, one yearns nothing more than to get out of this hell hole, dreaming of the 101 things one could do during the weekend and counting down to what's left of ur liability left in the army. For me fortunately or unfortunately, there's another 10 more months to go which really seems neither here nor there. If there's really anything that of comfort to me each weekday evening, it's the chance to find some solace and peace in the dojo being close to seniors of whom never fail to make me smile and burst into a crazy laughing fit when we engage in our "bitch and gossips".
So what exactly do i do that makes the weekend pass before I know it? I guess when you're spending time with someone really special, time just seems to spin foward before u even know it. Spending a good load of my time with my date especially since his mum's away in hongkong in the past one and a half months. During this time, was able to tap into my long untapped culinary passion in whipping up a thing or two in the kitchen. Feels like a realization of dreams of sorts as I've always yearned for an opportunity to cook for a special someone that means the world to me. There's nothing better than having someone who means alot to you appreciate food that you create from raw ingredients. Somehow cooking seems alot similar to my days in wicca.
Cooking does feel very much like spellcasting if you think about it. The five elements of life are present right in the very art of cooking... the cooking reagants holds the essence of earth with poultry walking the earth with life formerly flowing through its veins or vegetables and fruits that have absorbed the essence of soil and rain, wind and the fiery essence of life itself that courses through its veins. The water element present in any form cooking especially in a simmering pot of broth or sauce. Fire pivotal in cooking that's the primary force of creation. And the element of air... the aroma of food prepared that fills the hearth as the kitchen witch weaves her magic with love.
When one hopes to protect a love one, garlic and onions keeps evil at bay. Bay leaves in speghetti are used by priestesses of apollo to scry for visions of the future and beyond. Or the use of saffron, a prized indian spice for a love spell that would bring two lovers together in a powerful union of the body and soul. These are perhaps components to our daily cooking that has always been used but we never quite make ourselves aware of the infinite opportunities where we can tap into the latent power of our reagants. It is through this that reinforces the saying that magic is within and around everything around us.
There's so much I'd like to blog about... so much that has taken place through the past month or so. And of course my take on the heated debate on the repeals of 377A that has caught much attention in the gay community. While I am disappointed in the unsuccessful attempt of the reppeal, like many others it's not like we didnt see this coming. Perhaps one day when the old conservatives kick the bucket and the expose of scandals within the christian faith blows up about the misappropriation of funds to the ironic scandals of child sexual abuse that goes on between priest and parishioners many of which involves paedophilic acts of carnal pleasure by repressed old man who supposedly serve the holy work of god... I pray and long for the day where the church falls and its dark lies be revealed to the world at large. Centuries of bigotism and elitism... it's time for it to fall down on its knees and eat the humble pie. | | comments: Leave a comment |
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